I was out yesterday with friends, bouldering first and one pint in Grand Central
(local metal pub) after, then had an early night with Nat, and I feel 3% sane for
the first time since I don’t remember when.
It’s just enough sanity to be able to make good decisions today.
Time out matters!
Lately I’ve become somewhat unwell and unstable from the pressure I am
under. I am lucky that work is great, it’s a safe space to be making pedals and
attenuators for you all, but outside of that I’m a ragged mess, clothes tatty,
house needs work, general poor self-care.
But my amazing intern, Elsa, is away for a month now travelling into Europe,
my helpers have been taking downtime too, and business is kinda stable, so it
seems like a good moment. I’ve drawn out my business reserves today to clear
the outstanding bills and although I’m not exactly flush after that I’m lucky
enough to not be in debt either.
I think we have this culture of self-sacrifice sometimes. The common answer to
feeling down is work harder, earn more, be more successful. But that stuff is all
just half-chances. By which I mean, you can literally put your heart and soul on
the line, make all the right decisions, and then the best you are left with is
50/50. That’s the best odds anyone can get, and even so, sometimes we just
get a run of bad calls and nothing works out. And then we end up hollowed out,
miserable, hurting, bitter and no use to anyone.
The whole point of living IMHO is just… to live.
By which I mean, experience the fullness of life. The highs and the lows. And
you can’t do that if you are a work-maschine chasing rights and fighting
wrongs. Sometimes you just have to stop and watch the clouds scutter by.
We need the bad and chaotic days to inspire creativity and develop meaning
and understanding, but we need the quiet and good days to actually be
creative and actually get the best from life.
And I’ve been working on a super-cool new pedal for next year. In fact, a whole
range of pedals! Something crazy cool and totally new and pretty different. It’s
an idea I floated in 2019, but was ‘too soon’. And came back to in 2024 but
couldn’t quite lock it down. Then early 2025 is started coming
together, but do you know when the missing pieces fell into place?
Last night! In the pub!
For some weird reason I had taken a prototype with me. A couple of people
looked it over and commented on it, really positively. And in that laid-back
downtime I had an epiphany! I shared my thoughts and everyone promptly
concurred. So obvious, but I’d been missing it.
So at stupid AM last night I sat in front of my computer and totally changed the
design, I also folded in a bunch of other ideas that had been floating around,
disparate, unconnected, and it blossomed into something that is going to be a
game-changer and I am mad excited about. I realised I’d accidentally made
something that can be an eco-system and a cool new concept and just hadn’t
seen it because I was too close, too intense, and too involved.
You’re going to have to wait about 6 months to see previews. Sorry! But that
isn’t my point. This waffle is that unless you take downtime you can’t have your
best ideas. You need to breathe. Exist. Allow yourself to just be. Away from
tech. Away from work. Away from the madness. Epiphanies need space and air
and light and love to burst into being. So please, look after yourselves, and
don’t let the mind-goblins win. Do something nice for yourself, right now!
I think I’m gonna go run myself a long, hot bath now. With bubbles!
Lydia Fey Mandrake
3rd October 2025